I've been contemplating and pondering and all those other fancy words for deep thought, about our upcoming collaring ceremony.
Gone are my nerves, my excitement is tempered with calm acceptance of my position.
Being collared as Alan's slave seems to me to be the inevitable progression of our relationship. Just as flowers blooming in the spring is the inevitable progression of the seasons. It is this knowledge that calms me, things are as they should be. I am his, I have always been his, it just took these many years for me to realize it. Yes, yes, I'm slow to realize certain things.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, when I first started exploring BDSM I swore I would never, ever, ever, be anyone's slave. I should have known never to say never. The concept of slavery was frightening to me. Being the control freak I was, and still am in some aspects, giving up that much control was akin to leaping from the highest cliff into a black abyss with no safety nets and no idea what I'd land on or even if I'd land.
So, I journeyed on as a submissive with numerous limits that I enforced regularly. Yet deep inside in the darkest recesses of my heart was the desire to serve and to be totally owned. I craved it and longed for it. I remember the first time I actually got to serve my dominant partner, I cooked for him and brought him his plate. I was all atwitter with the excitement of it. But something was missing. He didn't own me, he couldn't truly own me due to our circumstances. Nor did he have it in him to truly be a Master and on some level I knew this though I denied it to myself for a long time. I learned and grew a lot through my association with this dominant but the more I learned and the more I grew the more I became discontent with what he could offer me.
By some miracle Alan began exploring D/s with me. In a short time he began dominating me and showed signs of becoming a Master I could be proud to belong to.
One fine Sunday afternoon after a night of intensely heavy S&M I confessed to him that I wanted to give him my safewords. This was one of those 2x4 moments when you see things with a clarity that you don't experience very often. I knew then that we were moving towards becoming Master and slave. He'd begun to enslave me and I was a willing party to it.
Some months later he informed me that my limits were his. That revelation left me a shuddering pile of submissive goo.
Now, some months after his taking of my limits, he will take me and my whole body and soul resonate with the rightness of it.
