We're working on pinning down a date for the collaring ceremony and all of a sudden I'm a bundle of nerves again.
I'd gotten past the nerves about having something permanent around my neck. But now, now that we're setting a date, I'm nervous again. What is up with that?
I never had an actual wedding so I can't gauge whether or not this is like bridal jitteryness. We were married at the preacher's house with his wife and daughter in attendance. It was unplanned, we were just supposed to be ironing out the details when he said "Why don't we just do it now?" I didn't have time to get nervous.
I think it's the fact that it has gone from the abstract "We'll do it sometime soon." to "We're doing it on this date." It is finally fully real.
I'm realizing that my emotions are going to be out there for those in attendance to see and that's a bit daunting. Being nude in front of numerous people is nothing compared to having my emotions exposed.
*mental note: wear the waterproof mascara and bring tissues*
This is me, I am moved to tears easily because I feel things so keenly, I am very emotionally driven. My Lady has described me as being elemental and I think she's got the right of it.
Mostly I think I'm just excited that it is finally going to happen and I'm looking forward to taking this step with Master and sharing it with a couple of very close friends. This is very different from when we were married and that is as it should be.
I used to dream of the fairy tale wedding and marriage complete with white picket fence. One day I woke up and realized I'm not the white picket fence type and fairy tales are best left in books. This is real life and it is what you make of it.
