Sunday morning we broke down some of my barriers and they seem to be staying broken down. I like that.
I feel much more at ease and at peace with myself and with Master. I've been calling him Sir more often which is something I was uncomfortable doing before.
It was like I had a blockage in regards to using honorifics. Perhaps it was my mindset, I was still living and acting as wife more than as slave.
I feel like I've finally internalized my slavery, it has become my truth.
It seems like things have changed, we are more intensely Master and slave. I think my change in perspective and broken barriers has allowed us both to move forward.
My resistance was a barrier all of its own and in my opinion, kept him from Mastering me in the way he wanted.
We had a little bump in the road yesterday when he opened a package that had come for us. It was the collar and it was the wrong size. I was extremely disappointed, we'd begun planning the collaring ceremony and were working on the date and location as we're sharing it with my Lady and a few close friends. He saw the storm beginning to brew inside me, my emotions always take over in situations like this. He told me that it wasn't for me to be upset about.
What? I don't get to be upset? No, I can be disappointed but I can't overreact and blow a gasket over a simple mistake. I didn't, I didn't rant and rave or cry, I didn't complain or ruin the rest of the night with a bad mood. I let go and began exercising my patience.
These changes are good and I like them. Will I always be able to let go like I did yesterday? Probably not, but I hope that I will be able to let go more often than not.
With time and practice I hope to always call Master Sir, he likes the respect it conveys and I like showing him that respect, he's earned it a thousand times over.
