I feel fat today. Or rather I'm supremely aware of my size today. The zipper seam on my favorite jeans began to tear today and my body hurts.
I feel hopeless about making any changes. I've tried to diet on my own and failed so many times that it almost seems pointless to try. But, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see what she can do to help. I'm tired of hurting and I'm tired of buying new clothes because mine give out from trying to fit around this body.
Most of all, I'm tired of feeling left behind when my friends all lose weight and get healthy. I feel conspicuously fat in their presence.
I realize I've done this to myself... no one forced me to put the food into my mouth. I want to undo it.
I've asked for Master's help in the past but it hasn't worked. I've failed to stick to it and he cuts me slack because he loves food as much as I do.
I want to join Weight Watchers but I have to be honest with myself, it would probably end up being a waste of money because I'd probably have a hard time sticking with that plan too.
I want to say it's pure laziness that keeps me fat. A lack of willpower.
I just don't know how to fix it.
