Master got me a set of fake nails for my birthday last year and let me keep them up until just a few weeks ago. I had to have them removed due to money issues, we just couldn't justify such a frivolous expense right now.
I understand and I am happy to help cut corners where I can.
But I hate my hands. My nails have been cut down to the quick to get rid of all the acrylic still left on them. My hands look like little boy hands now. My fingers are short and stubby. I've never been able to grow my nails very well on my own. I chew them or they break because they're weak so before the nails my hands looked like they do now.
I felt so elegant and ultimately feminine when I had the nails like I never did before I had them. I actually liked my hands with the nails. Master liked the nails too. He likes making me as girly as possible.
It isn't that I can't be girly now but it's like part of the package is missing. I don't feel as feminine when I see my hands reaching for a glass or something else.
For most of my life I refused to dress or act girly. I didn't feel safe being a girl. About 5 years ago Someone gave me inspiration and a safe place to be a girl. But for a long time it didn't feel right, it felt like I was putting on an act. Over time it began to feel more normal, more natural.. when I got the nails it was like everything clicked into place for me.
I know, I'm nattering on about fingernails when there are worse things in the world that could happen. Still, I miss them. I miss the way my hands looked with them. I miss the naughty things I could do to Master with them.
