Scattered Thoughts

It's been a long few days. I alternate between being okay and having to fight back tears. I'm at a loss. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what to do, the parenting rule book doesn't have a section for out of control teenagers.

I checked in with HRS yesterday when we had a bit of alone time, I'm sure this turmoil is affecting her but she claims to be fine. I'll keep checking in with her, maybe eventually she'll feel comfy talking about it. ZBoy seems to be okay too. Though, he and LMR have had practically no relationship for the past four months or so due to a fight they had. Still, I know he worries about her, we all do. I did something kind for him today which made him smile.

I had a bit of a chat with LMR's school counselor today, it looks as if things aren't going to be all sunshine and roses for her because she's violated probation. I'm torn, as I'm sure Master is too. We both want to take care of her, we also want to minimize the stress on the family as a whole and keeping LMR out of trouble is one way to do that.

Unfortunately, keeping her out of trouble at this point would require lying and or not communicating with the JCO. I was informed today that this sort of behavior would likely land us, the parents, in a load of trouble ourselves. It was a friendly warning I think, just in case we might have been leaning that way to help decide us against it. The school counselor has been leaning this way herself. She worked really hard to help LMR last year, to keep her from heading in the wrong direction.

When my logical head is on I know that protecting her from herself is not the answer. It's only delaying the inevitable, her having to deal with the consequences of her actions. That's no help, she's got to mature a bit, we're not always going to be there to run interference.

She's still not home though she did call us last night to check in and to tell us she was still trying to make up her mind. I wonder if she realizes she's taken all the choices out of our hands, and hers, and put them in the hands of the JCO? *sigh*

I've noticed myself feeding my sorrow more and more often. Feel sad? Eat something. I'm trying to reign that in but it isn't easy.

Master and I did have some quality alone time over the weekend, we even tried a new (to us) restaurant for dinner. That was fun, stepping outside of our comfort zone and trying something new. I hope we can manage to do that more often, I think we both need it.

I have no idea what's going to happen with LMR, her JCO was out of the office today but I've left him messages as has her school counselor. I honestly don't know what he'll do. I do know that more community service isn't the answer. *sigh*