You Never Know

They say you never know what you've got til it's gone. I disagree. I'm lucky enough to know what I have and still have it.

I found out yesterday that after our recent problems, Master was ready to throw in the towel on the whole M/s aspect of the relationship. He was frustrated and feeling defeated. As I said yesterday, you can't dominate that which won't submit. It's a lot of work to try to do so and isn't very fulfilling or rewarding. In the end you're left wondering why you even try.

This can go both ways, you can't submit to that which won't dominate either and all the trying in the world isn't going to make it so. To make these relationships work both parties have to be on the same page and working toward the same goal. There is a certain amount of personal responsibility for both parties, things we both have to do in order to make this work. He needs to be consistent and not let me get away with bad behavior but I need to exercise some self-control and not allow myself to act badly. Sure, it's easier to swear at him when I'm angry. It's MUCH easier to only be concerned about my needs and ignore his. But doing that isn't making an honest effort to make the M/s dynamic work. It isn't honoring the promises I made to him.

We talked some last night and he agrees with me that we both need to be active in our roles. I believe we'll be talking further about possible rituals that will help to reinforce our positions in our minds and will give us a further connection as Master and slave. One of the things we've discussed already is having me follow him to the bathroom when he has to urinate and licking his cock clean afterwards. We've done this in the past and it always leaves me feeling soft and open to him. I'm looking forward to feeling this way again.

I think I began to take him for granted just a little bit. He'd always be my Master no matter what. This week has really opened my eyes and made me realize just how lazy I'd gotten. I'm hoping that by journaling here I'll be able to make this stick in my memory and I won't make this same mistake again, at least not to this degree.

Today Master called me from work just to tell me he loves me. He thinks he's not, but he's really a romantic at heart and I love that about him. I'm thankful he didn't give up on me, on us, and on M/s. It can work but it does take work, just like any other relationship.