Stepping Out of Role?

Did I or didn't I? I don't know. I know I behaved badly, made a complete ass of myself is what I did.

I had planned today to be devoted to my studies, I have a lot of medical terminology stuff to get done. When Zgirl (aka Little Miss Raincloud) and Master informed me that she'd need a ride home from school in the middle of the day and then a ride to work, I came unglued. I was angry and let them both know that I was angry. I told them I'd planned the day for homework that I'd needed to get done. I was a jerk.

Later on in the evening, just around bedtime, Master and I were still talking about it. It was quite obvious from my facial expression that I was still upset. He didn't seem to understand what I thought was a serious disregard for my study needs. I told him he had no concept of what it was like to try to study and deal with all the home stuff, plus work. I thought I was making a statement of fact but in actuality, I was being cruel in the way I said it. Arms flailing through the air, emphasizing "no concept" and tone clearly disdainful and angry.

He got angry, rightfully so, and responded in kind. And of course, I took further offense. I tossed a couple more barbs and then informed him I was going to bed. I didn't ask and didn't wait for him to tell me I needed to sit down and talk. I just went to bed. And when he came to bed? I was still awake but I was still mad and feeling hurt so I feigned sleep and was soon truly asleep. I hate going to bed like that, with such tension between us. It's even worse that it was entirely my doing. I can be such a pigheaded fool sometimes.

Did I step out of my role? I don't think so, I think I was just a very badly behaved slave who forgot her place in a fit of anger and hurt feelings.

I've been stressed out with all that's going on. If it isn't Zboy in crisis it's Zgirl and if it isn't either of them it's HRS (Her Royal Shortness). And if it's none of them it's Master. It seems to be a never-ending cycle of stress and crisis and I'm at my limit. I've been saying that I need some stress relief, I need time off from school, work, and mommyhood. I need a break or I'm going to break. But through all of this, the role doesn't change, at my core I am still his slave. I'm just his slave in crisis right now.

I'd love to blame it all on hormones. Easy excuse eh?