Over the past month I've found myself more and more focused on doing things that will please A, things that will make him feel good. I feel driven to it in a way that I haven't really felt before. I don't know if it's due to the limited time we have together or if it's just a shift in attitude. Whatever it is, it almost feels like obsession.
I think about it quite a bit and find myself asking him quite often if things I've done are satisfying.
On the weekends I've been serving him his dinner again, when he'll let me. And last night, though I stayed home with pain, I made sure to fix and serve his dinner to him. I treasure the moments in which I can physically serve him. I think I took it for granted before, didn't value the service I was able to provide as I should have. I think I've mentioned before that I'm slow to catch on sometimes? Well, so I'm finally picking up on a lesson that has been nearly a year in teaching.
Gads, I almost feel like a giddy little girl being given a treat when I get to serve him. I can't help but smile when I bring him a drink or his dinner.
I think one of the reasons (besides the obvious) that I've been so hmm, anxious about the ban on vaginal sex is that I see keeping him as sexually satisfied as I can as part of my service to him. It's another thing I was taking for granted too. Bad slave, I know.
I realized last night that the ban has really forced us to learn to connect in other ways. In the past we didn't make time very often to really touch each other or enjoy what we were doing. We were both focused on the end result; orgasm. Lately we've been focusing on pleasure more often than orgasm. Last night he spent quite a while teasing both of us into a frenzy. That's what happens when you get a Sadomasochist, he wants to torment you but ends up tormenting himself in the process. *chuckling* We tried something a little different last night too that seems to be a LOT more satisfying for both of us. I feel elated at being able to satisfy him again.
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