Miss kaya posted a quote on her journal about control and some of the comments veered off toward discussing choices and responsibility that submissives and slaves have. Instead of hijacking her comments section to give a fuller response I decided to just do it here.
I noted a prevailing attitude that any control in the relationship would bring added responsibility. I'm guessing/hoping that they were referring to additional responsibility beyond personal responsibility. There also seemed to be a general allusion to the effect that having any control would negate one's status as a consensual slave. This got the old wheels a turnin' in my melon. I know I've covered personal responsibility before but this, I think, is a little more. Some thoughts will just be reiterations of earlier thoughts, some should be brand new. *wink*
Despite my status as owned property I am still human, I am still responsible for myself and my choices and I am also responsible to my Master. I think it's pure fantasy to believe otherwise. There's nothing wrong with fantasy but there is a place and time for it. If I robbed a bank, even if it were at Master's command, I'd be going to jail, not him (unless it could be proven that I feared for my life or some such and even then...). Telling the judge "Master made me do it" isn't going to go over very well and certainly won't save my butt from the consequences. Instead the judge might wonder about my mental health status.
If I failed (with intent) to meet my responsibilities to Master I think he'd have a thing or two to say about it. For all I know certain intentional failures on my part could be a deal breaker for him, meaning he'd release me. We haven't really talked about the what ifs of me not meeting, or at least trying, to meet his expectations. It hasn't been an issue because there isn't anything that I've really dug my heels in about. Yeah, I've got the trust/fear/jealousy/insecurity issue but I'm still trying and working on it. I'm not throwing my hands up in defeat and refusing to even try. Now that would be a failure on my part and I'd understand if it led to release. I wouldn't like it but again, I'm responsible for my choices and not even trying is a choice, which will have consequences.
Robbing a bank may well be a command from my Master, and as his slave I've consented to obey his commands, however; in becoming my Master he consented to look out for my welfare. A command to rob a bank is going to negatively impact my well-being. As far as I'm concerned, if he does anything, with intent, that will harm me in any way all bets are off. My responsibility to him is negated then and my first responsibility to myself kicks in. It goes without saying that one should choose carefully the one s/he will surrender his/her will to so that they can give up as much control as is desired and/or possible. Obviously I wouldn't have consented to become Master's slave if I thought he would ever command me to rob a bank, or anything else that would harm me so no, I'm not sitting here just waiting for him to do something so I can say "Aha! That's it, I'm outta here!" That thought never even crosses my mind.
What this means is that as a consensual slave I do have choices and I make them daily. I am personally responsible for these choices but that responsibility doesn't give me untoward control in the relationship nor does it negate my "slavehood". The control I do have, again I don't believe it negates my status as a slave, is self-control and I am responsible for exercising it. He expects nothing less.
Control and responsibility do not negate slave, or submissive for that matter, status unless those participating in the relationship feel that it does. For example, some slaves are given control of, and responsibility for, the finances. Does that make them less a slave than I am, a slave kept in ignorance about the finances? It makes their experience of consensual slavery different than mine, nothing more, nothing less.
No two M/s relationships will look exactly alike, despite some commonalities. We are very good friends with another M/s couple and though we have a lot in common there are still differences. She is somewhat in charge of the finances and is responsible for them, he desires a slave that will obey his commands joyfully, even the ones she finds distasteful. I'm ignorant of the finances and Master actually likes to see that I'm not terribly thrilled with a certain command but am obeying in spite of that. I also have, I think, a lot more leeway in how I am expected, and allowed, to address my Master than she has. Her Master exercises more control of the clothing she's allowed to wear than mine does. Still, we're both slaves, we both belong to our owners. Most importantly, our owners define us as slaves...despite our varying degrees of control or lack thereof. They see us as their property.
It's easy, at least for me, to get caught up in the all or nothing thinking and comparing oneself to someone else's concept of what a slave is. It's also easy to get caught up in thinking that everyone should think like we do because we have it right after all. I'm sure I've been guilty of that a time or three myself. *wry grin*
It's all individual and subjective, which brings me to a concern I've got that will be another journal entry altogether. Adapting to serve another dominant style... and don't ask me how I made that leap of logic, that I can't explain. *impish grin*
Clear as mud? Probably.
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