Fear

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass
over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain. -Paul Atreides Dune

I'm afraid today. Just a few innocent words set my heart to racing and let a squadron of butterflies loose in my gut. I may be faced with a situation tonight that only a few short weeks ago I shied away from with fear, jealousy, and insecurity riding me hard. There was much pain that night, much I'd like to forget. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't afraid. But I want to face this fear head-on and I want to beat it. Is my spirit strong enough? Have I healed enough to make it possible? I don't know. My fear whispers, "too soon, too soon" half of me wants to listen and heed fear's warning. I want so very much to beg Master to not let anything happen but I won't. I'll share my fears with him and trust that he'll take care of me and see me through it.

I must focus on the good. I am loved, I am cherished, and I am worthy of his love. I am safe. I am his and he will not let me go. I am beautiful, I am desireable, and I am sexy.

Sometimes there is a pattern to life and it seems that the Universe is pushing me to work on this at its pace instead of my own ploddingly slow one. Fighting it only makes things worse, the Universe is implacable in this. Ignore it once and a once soft tap on the shoulder turns into a wallop upside the head with a 2x4. Resist and gentle urgings become a raging river dragging you along to where you need to be. The Universe is implacable, Master is far gentler and more understanding. It seems I've nowhere left to run or hide.