Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Looking forward

2-16-05
Tomorrow I have outpatient back surgery. I'm having a nucleoplasty aka percutaneous discectomy. They're going into the disc with a needle and then through that needle they'll send a probe that will blast away some of the disc material. The idea is that the bulge I have will fall in and fill up the empty space. Voila, no more bulge.

I'm nervous; it would be silly to not be nervous. The risks are scary, infection and or nerve root damage. I trust my doctor; he didn't screw up either of the epidural injections so I don't think he's going to screw this up.

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2-17-05

Here I am, post procedure attempt and I'm well, I'm disappointed. That's right, I said attempt. They tried but had to call it off because each attempt caused horrible pain to shoot down my rear, my leg, and into my foot. It was bad enough that it sobered me up from the sedation they'd given me. The doctor tried at least three times but each time the pain was unbearable.

He called it off because if just having the needle in the disc was causing that kind of pain, the chances of causing nerve damage were greater.

I was SO looking forward to this procedure. I believed I would be better, I believed it would reduce my pain. I cried for a while when they took me into recovery. I cried out my frustration and my disappointment. I'm still a little sad but I'm not beaten yet.

The doc says we're going to continue treating this with meds and exercise. Master, of course, says he's going to give me the weekend to recover from the attempted procedure and then he's going to begin working me. After watching a program about back pain he's become a firm believer in exercise as the path to complete healing.
*****
2-18-05

This morning I'm feeling a little more positive than I was yesterday. I'm still disappointed but I accept that it's out of my control. I'm going to have to throw myself into exercising and learn to continue through the pain; Master keeps reminding me that Monday I have to start exercising. If it weren't for him pushing me, I probably wouldn't do it. But, fighting against him is like pounding your fists on a brick wall. You end up with bruised hands and a wall still standing there, immovable.