I knew I shouldn't do it, I knew it was a mistake, but I did it anyway. I watched a scary movie by myself. I'm all alone in the house and I watched a scary movie.
I fooled myself into thinking that since it was daytime it would be okay, it wouldn't be as scary. What was I thinking?
Scary movies scare me despite my fervent desire to enjoy them they scare me. I still have irrational childhood fears of the dark and the nasty things that happen in the dark. When I watch scary movies those fears are amplified for some time afterwards. It sounds silly when I see it in print but it's true. I've never gotten completely over my fear of the dark.
I still have nightmares and when I wake up from them I see things crawling in the dark. My heart pounds in my chest and I am breathless with fear. I lay there trying to focus on whatever it is that I see crawling on the ceiling and then like magic, my vision clears and whatever I thought I saw is gone. I calm myself and try to go back to sleep, all the while trying to convince myself that nothing is going to come up from under the bed to grab me. As I close my eyes the nightmare that I was having is there waiting for me to resume where we left off. I have to work to dream of something else and sometimes, sometimes I'm not always successful.
I'm a grown woman, married and enslaved, mother of three, yet I'm still scared of the dark, I still have nightmares and yes, scary movies scare me.
There are certain movies I know I have to avoid but somehow, they call to me! They're enticing, beguiling, they promise to be entertaining, and they are until they're over. Then I realize my mistake. Will I ever learn?
