Our weekend was a busy, hectic, emotionally draining one. We managed to catch three fireworks shows. *grins* There was one downtown, one at the mall near us, and one in our suburb. HRS got to see all three with us, Zboy chose to not go at all, and Little Miss Raincloud saw the show in our suburb with us. I got a bit choked up during the visit to the mall, before the fireworks there was a piano concert. As part of the concert they played and sang the national anthem and everyone present stood and turned to the flag. I'm not particularly patriotic but I do love my country, I just don't like the government.
I think this weekend both Master and myself hit our limit with stress and everything came to a head. This is a Good Thing™. We finally communicated with each other and I found out why I was feeling so disconnected from him as a wife and as a slave.
Master has been working anywhere between 48-60 hours a week to make ends meet with a little left over for enjoyment. He has combined work and home stress, it's a wonder the man hasn't spontaneously combusted. I think the fact that he hasn't is a tribute to his amazing willpower.
I still haven't been able to find a temp part-time job which has left me feeling useless. I've been stressing over all the bills and feeling guilty because of being short on money. Friday I snapped and really lost my mind, saying things that I didn't mean and in general, acting like a total git. Saturday Little Miss Raincloud came home for a month (she'd been spending the summer with a friend whom she plans on living with in a few months). LMR and Master had a bit of a falling out Saturday evening and the rest of the weekend with her was tense because LMR holds grudges, much like her mother. *wry grins*
Everything finally came to a head Monday, I spent most of it in a depressed funk crying. Master sent me an e-mail, we hadn't been able to communicate verbally without misunderstandings. After reading his e-mail the floodgates crashed open, I sent him a return e-mail and was as honest and transparent as I knew how to be. It wasn't easy, I didn't want to burden him with my worries. Sometimes I forget that we're in this together and if we work together, the burdens aren't as heavy.
After he'd read my e-mail, we talked and apologized to each other. Yesterday things felt normal. Better than normal in fact. In opening up to him I found that connection I thought I'd lost. Truth is, I didn't lose it, there was merely a blockage because I wasn't open with him. Much like a garden hose, if there's a blockage things don't flow smoothly.
I think he and I both learned some good lessons this weekend and I believe it's brought us closer together.
Today, life is good. I'm getting caught up on chores I'd let slide during my funk and reading things that are slavery affirming yet make me think. I'm feeling a little less burned out than I had been feeling and that's something to celebrate. ;-)
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