What does it mean?

I woke up this morning to a post-it left on my monitor that read:

Joy,

I love you.

Me

It could just be a simple love note. But it could be more. It could be him saying "I love you but I'm still going to hurt you tonight."

Yeah, I'm suspicious. It's the mindf*cks, I'm telling you, they make one analyze everything, every word, every gesture, for hints of something more, clues that this is or isn't a mindf*ck. I'm sure he'll chuckle when he reads this and take it as evidence of a mindf*ck well done.

I'm not saying that I doubt his sincerity, that is never in question, ever. What is in question are the things he says he will or won't do to me. He likes to keep me guessing and, for the most part, I play along quite nicely. Though part of me is always suspicious and the other part is accepting; if it happens it happens and if it doesn't, that's cool too. I have a lot of parts to me. *chuckles*

I wonder if he was thinking of this very reaction when he wrote and left this little note. I think, knowing him and the hour he wrote it, he was just thinking of me and wanted to leave a note telling me so.

Whatever the reasons, I have just a few short hours to prepare myself for him, physically and mentally. These hours, this day, they're not mine, they're his. They'll all be spent in preparation for his pleasure. I never really thought I'd ritualized preparing my body for his use but, I have. There is a distinct pattern, a routine, and my mind is always on the outcome. Every little thing has to be perfect (in my mind) for him. I start with my toenails, polishing them and letting them dry before I move on to shaving and showering. Then it's a combination of doing my hair and make-up, getting dressed, and being sure the toy bag has everything he might want in it. I prepped the medical bag earlier in the week so no worries about that.

I admit, I look forward to and love the prep time. Even if it is a little stressful near the end and I get a little snippy (cranky) I love being able to stand before him and say "How do I look?" His answer may be short and to the point "Fine" I know he appreciates what he sees, I know that everything that should be, is smooth and hairless as he likes it. I know that I've pleased him and that, ultimately, is my goal.