What If?

It isn't something I like to think about often but it has come up in more than one place and that alone is enough to make me stop and think.

What if something happens to Master? What if the unthinkable happens and we actually split up or he decided to release me and wanted to live only as a vanilla couple?

What would I do? How would I cope?

I'd like to believe that we'll be together until we're both old and wrinkled and that we'll die together. Of course I've also told Master and M that he's not allowed to die without my permission and obviously I'd never grant him permission to die.

Neither Master nor I are certain that we'd survive the loss of the other. We're so much a part of each other that we're interdependent and interconnected. We've grown up together, quite literally. We came together as teenagers and spent the last of our teenage years living together as a couple and as parents. We've been through quite a bit as a couple, betrayals, affairs, addiction, we've survived it all and come out stronger and more committed to each other as a result. That isn't to say that we don't have our days where we want to throw in the towel but we're both too stubborn to actually do it. *wry grin*

Because of this we're both pretty certain that nothing short of death will separate us. I know, never say never, but if you knew the details of our history... we've survived a lot together and feel like there isn't much we couldn't survive.

So, in the event of his death if I managed to survive it, I've got a good support system consisting of M, m'Lady, and our good friends J and his girl mist. Actually, I don't think they'd let me curl up and die. I believe they'd be there to support Master in the event of my death as well. They're more than friends, they're family.

I don't think I could walk away from the lifestyle and I don't think Master would want me to give up that part of myself because of his death. I think the best testament to him would be to live well and to celebrate life.

So, I'd mourn him, I'd grieve for however long it takes. Then I'd pick myself up and learn to live again.

But, as I said, this is something I really don't like to think about often, it always makes me sad to think about losing him. Ten lifetimes probably wouldn't be enough time to have with him. So, I don't think about it, instead I treasure every moment I have with him. But I do know what would happen if... I'm provided for, I'd have a cushion while I mourned, and I'd have the best support a girl could ask for.