As I was showering I tried to imagine myself asking Master for some play time.
In my imagining I saw myself stumble over the words, blushing furiously, and getting frustrated with myself. This happens all too often in real life for me. I have some sort of ingrained resistance against verbalizing my innermost needs. I sit for what seems like forever trying to force myself to say the words that are bouncing around in my head. I make several false starts and then finally, the above scenario plays out. I did this as a child too, only most of the time I wouldn't even make it to stumbling over the words.
Master, I need a spanking. Or, Master, I would like to request some playtime. Doesn't seem too complicated does it? For me, somehow, it is. It's like trying to skydive without lessons. I know the basics, jump out of the plane, and pull the cord. But that's not enough to do it right and to do it safely.
As a child, silence was rewarded and I carry that lesson with me to this day. It's a hard one to unlearn. *grumbling a bit*
It's my job to communicate with my Master, and to let him know if I have a need that is going unmet. What is so wrong with just letting myself do it? Good question. One that I hope to answer before I'm old and gray.
