This week has been one of adjustments; adjusting to the teaching styles of three different instructors who teach differently than my previous instructors, who taught differently than the instructors before them, and so on.
I'm adjusting to the class loads and am really trying to adjust to the ICN class. I hate the ICN class because of the ICN, not because of the instructor or course content. The ICN is this camera/computer hook-up between our campus and two other campuses. The instructor is on site at the main campus (not the one I'm at) and using cameras and microphones in the classrooms, teaches all three campuses simultaneously.
Why do I hate it? Because whenever I depress the little button on the microphone to speak or to answer a question, the little camera zooms in on me and there I am in full living color on the huge flat screen TV for all to see. I feel so very intimidated by this, I can't stand looking at myself this way, in my eyes I'm huge and being on that screen just makes it all seem worse. Right now I'm avoiding answering questions as much as possible because I don't want to be on that screen. It really sucks. I know I couldn't manage this course online so I have to take it in person.
Master reminds me that we're working on doing something about my size but in the meantime I still have to face myself every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. *bleargh!*
Until I see an unflattering picture, or in this case television image, of myself I have a pretty good self-image. Hmm, maybe I've been kidding myself all this time.
Today is day four of the diet and so far so good. I'm still sticking with it, thanks to Master. Yesterday I was rebelling against it. I didn't want to be on the diet any more I just wanted to eat like a "regular" person. I'm feeling kind of pouty because Master is talking about getting something out-to-eat for the kids. That's just not fair; I want to eat out too. *sigh* Just got to learn to deal.
Anyway, back to school, the classes are fairly standard stuff, easy peasy as long as I keep up with the work.
