I seem to be going from bad to worse in the mood department as the day and now night, progresses.
I'm trying very hard to keep myself upbeat and happy but it's not working. I can't count the times I've had to fight off impending tears. At one point this afternoon I lost the battle and Zboy saw me and wanted to comfort me. I had to reassure him that I was fine and that no, it wasn't his fault nor anything to do with him. We'd had a little disagreement minutes before so it makes sense that he'd feel like it was something to do with him. I hate when the kids see me like that.
I feel like I'm slipping into a bit of depression. It isn't unexpected with all the financial stress we've been having. Master can order me not to stress about the finances but it seems I can't obey.
I'm upset about my weight too; I've gained some in the last couple of months. I'm at my heaviest weight again and I feel helpless to change it. To make matters worse, a friend of ours stopped by tonight who had the gastric bypass surgery over the summer and she's so thin now. I'm happy for her but at the same time I'm jealous, envious, and sad for me. She looks so wonderful and I feel like this huge, dumpy, blob in comparison.
Sometimes I get so desperate to lose weight that I think I'd do just about anything to do it.
I've got to get out of this funk.
