Last night I had a bit of a mini-meltdown. I was upset over the finances and the fact that we have just a wee bit over two weeks before Christmas, less until Yule, and I'm still not working. It's going to be extremely tight this year and I was fretting about being able to get gifts for the kids.
I don't feel like I have to get them things, I want to give them things. I want to surprise them and see the grins as they open their presents. I love that bit. I wanted to be able to surprise Master with a little something special too.
I nearly went off the deep end last night, first snapping at the youngest over something that ordinarily isn't a big deal and then practically having a fit when part of the pizza I was cooking decided to fall onto the heating element on the bottom of the oven where it burned and filled the house with the acrid stench of burned food. I wanted to drop to the floor and weep with frustration.
After the pizza disaster was averted Master ordered me to sit down and listen as he stood in front of me. "Everything is being blown out of proportion, stop it right now." I took a few deep breaths; my eyebrows knitted in frustration, and held my tongue.
He sat down next to me on the couch and proceeded to remind me that things could be worse. He's right, of course but I was wallowing in my misery and wasn't about to concede the point. "We're relatively healthy" he says. "Speak for yourself" says I, referring of course to my back. "You're not dead yet are you? I'm sure there are lots of folks dead in the ground that would gladly trade you places" says he.
Okay fine, who can argue with that logic? No matter how bad the pain gets or how much I might wish an end to the pain, I'm still alive and alive means a chance to improve one's circumstances. So I let the black mood go and tried to enjoy my mangled pizza dinner. That's the good thing about pizza, even mangled, it tastes good.
So the kids might not get that many gifts this year and I might not be able to get that special something for Master until after the first of the year, the world won't come to a screeching halt. We'll spend time together being a family and loving each other in the peculiar way that we do it.
